What Are You so Afraid of Anyway?
I have this conversation on a regular basis with my son. He has some very real anxiety issues, and so pushing him to go further and try new things without going over the edge can sometimes be a tad tricky.
I was talking with him last night about his new school, and of course he has some issues to work through… not having friends, not knowing the routine, not feeling at home at the school. My job as a mom is to try and make him feel comfortable in his own skin, as he embarks on the adventures of his first few weeks in middle school.
After we had done talking, I started to think about me. And I had to ask myself the same question. “What am I so Afraid of Anyway?”
I’m not sure if this post will help anyone, but I figure that if it’s an issue for me it might be an issue for someone reading. So here goes…
I’ve been working online for a few years, dabbling in this and that. I’ve never really gotten to the point where I say “this is what I do, and I’m damn good at it”. I’ve learned alot over the course of the last several months since starting Home with Heather both to do with Internet Marketing, and to do with myself.
I’ve learned that I’m not into hard selling. In fact, I hate it. Sure I have some affiliate links on HWH, and will continue to dabble in that arena. To me, I feel like I’ve always had a need to help others.
Even way back in my college days. I was always the one my classmates came to. I could explain how things worked, help them study for a test, that kind of thing. I remember one tax course, before the end of the term it ended up that I had a study group of basically half the class. I certainly wasn’t intending on that and it was in no way because I’m well versed in taxation laws. Everyone said I explained it so they could understand it. Cool. 
No matter what career I’ve been in, I’ve always ended up in the coaching/teaching/helping kind of role. That’s just naturally where I migrate. So… why should working online be any different? Home with Heather has sort of turned more into an informational, how to kind of blog.
What I want to do is be a coach, that’s what I’m good at. I’d love to create some info products to help people that are really new newbies to being online. I know it’s been done, way to many times, but…
So what am I so afraid of? Failing. Having people tell me that I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about. Having nobody buy my stuff. Just to name a few. 
I guess it really comes down to a crossroads. I need to make a decision. Do I go forward, do some research and see if this is something that will actually be worth while pursuing. Or do I forget about it and just carry on dabbling in this and that. Or do I do a combination of both?
Sometimes you’ve just got to ‘fake it til you make it’. Work through the fear until you feel comfortable in your own skin again. Pushing the limits is how we improve, how we go forward. And change is part of growth.
So I could be just babbling here, but if your reading this far maybe I struck a chord with something in you. What are you so afraid of? Is it something in business, are you wanting to create your own blog about something and just don’t know who to get started?
I’m really sticking my heart out on my sleeve here, I’d appreciate a bit of feed back. I’d also love to get a discussion started on letting fear hold you back.
Expect the Best,
anxiety, being afraid, fake it until you make it, make money, starting a blog, starting a business, Whats on my Mind?, working through fear
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September 9th, 2007 12:32
Hi Heather,
Great post, it definitely struck a chord with me! When to quit is largely a function of how much of a risk-taker you are, and how motivated you will be once you quit.
For me, I am past the dabbling phase. Now I am narrowing in on something that works, or so I hope. Before I quit, I want to know that I have one idea that can work. I want to see some results before I quit. I don’t need to see thousands of dollars a month. I just want to see a trickle of money from at least one revenue source so that I don’t feel completely lost once I’m on my own. I think it’s a good idea to have a rough plan and started executing it before quitting. But I’m no expert and haven’t done it myself! So I’ll be reading to find out what you decide. =)
September 9th, 2007 13:23
“I’d appreciate a bit of feed back from some regular reader”
What about feedback from somebody just passing through? If it’s only regular reader feedback you’re interested in, I’ll keep my thoughts to myself. I marked the checkbox to subscribe to this comment in case this is expanded beyond the regulars.
I only made this comment because your next sentence was: “I’d also love to get a discussion started …”
May I gently suggest that getting a conversation started doesn’t always — or even only — happen with regular readers
September 9th, 2007 13:31
Point taken TDavid, and my poor choice of wording revised.
After all how do you get more regular readers except to welcome those who are just “passing through”.
So Welcome, and please discuss away…
September 9th, 2007 13:56
Thanks Heather.
Ok, let’s start with the what to do question. When I first got online back in the mid 90s working at AOL I focused on what interested me: writing. I think what interests you most is what you should say you do online. If that’s teaching and coaching others and you feel like there are too many people doing that already. then find a niche in that segment where it’s not happening and go to town.
I’ll give you an example. I enjoy helping others too and I like to share what I learn too. So when I was learning the PHP scripting language a fellow programmer friend of mine suggested I should share my notes learning the language online. That was back in 1999 and it became the genesis for our php-scripts site. Certainly you’ve heard of the PHP scripting language by now, but back then it was just coming into its own and Perl was more popular. Even if the PHP scripting language hadn’t taken off, I’d have felt the site was a success because I was publishing something original. It’s exciting to me publishing original content and seeing others do the same.
My site is still there and millions of visitors later looking back I think it’s been fairly successful (although the site is becoming somewhat dated now). That project led to a sister site teaching the basics of different programming languages to a specific niche audience complete with live weekly web radio show.
I still do that radio show live every Friday dedicated to this niche audience some 7+ years later. I could have chosen to do just another teaching/tutorial site, but instead I chose a specific niche audience that was being underserved in something I enjoyed doing. I see these opportunities in other niches even today, so the good ops certainly aren’t all gone.
If you take this same premise with your own situation (or anybody else who feels similarly) I’m sure you can find a niche that is being underserved — or possibly not being served at all.
As for fear?
Fear is all in the mind. Find something you love to do, find something that’s not being very well served online and then dig in and do it. Work it when nobody else believes in it but you and work it when everybody believes in it, including you. Fear usually comes as a result of procrastination or a sense that something one is doing or wants to do is hopeless. The only thing hopeless about doing something you believe in — and make sure whatever you choose that you do believe in — is not doing it at all or not doing it consistently.
I wish you the best success with whatever you plan to do going forward so someday when somebody says: “what do you do online?” you can confidently reply: “just Google my name and find out.”
September 9th, 2007 14:45
Wow - That took me a few minutes to digest
I don’t think that I’m really as concerned with what I say I do online, as much as what I really do do online. I’m at that point where I’m ready to move forward, just not sure in what direction…
Finding something that one is passionate about in a niche that is under served. Bonus.
Fear may be in the mind, yes that’s true but it is there. I’m not generally a person to let fear hold me back though. It’s about deciding what one truly does want and then putting one foot in front of the other and walking through all that stuff in order to achieve it.
TDavid - thank you for stopping in, you’ve given much to consider…
September 9th, 2007 14:57
Since I was ignored, I’ll assume that my point was not clear. =O
Common advice is to start doing what you want to be doing before you quit your current career. Your fear will be less if you spend the time to research and get involved while you have a stable income. You’re already blogging and writing, so you’ve already started to explore. Maybe your efforts should now focus on earning money doing it? I wish you the best of success!
If you’re looking for us to tell you what to do, then never mind.
September 9th, 2007 15:03
Sorry Joseph was not meaning to ignore you and yes I was just asking for clarification when you commented again.
It sounds to me like you also know what it is you are wanting to do. Quitting with your day job is a major undertaking and one that I would be sure of first. As you said being certain before you go completely on your own. As for the fear, it comes down to working through it.
September 10th, 2007 04:14
Heather,
I can relate to you somewhat. I have been were you seem to be about 1 year ago. I was stuck in a MLM business I hated and I couldn’t bring myself to disappoint my husband and tell him. I was afraid that he would be so upset after all the money and effort spent.
I couldn’t have been further from the truth. Eventually I couldn’t hide my frustration from him anymore, so I burst out with my concerns. I felt stuck in a frame I didn’t really belong.
I retreated after that conversation for about 3 month. I stopped doing everything i did and took a long hard look at what I really wanted. I realized, that I was passionate about writing and blogging and started back with the intention of becoming a successful freelance writer and blogger.
I feel so passionate about what I do now, that I’m no longer afraid of anything. I know, that I can do whatever it is I put my heart into and that true success will be mine.
It’s kind of ironic how sometimes one has to travel the road in the wrong direction in order to find the right intersection to go on.
Passion is in my eyes one of the key ingredients to being truly happy with what we do. If teaching is your passion, then you will find a way to continue with a real purpose Heather. You do have a great way in communicating and that’s already half the battle.
Monika
September 10th, 2007 19:53
Hey Monika,
I think you do need to be passionate about whatever you do both on and off line. It is great that you’ve found your passion and are working at it. I to believe that I have found mine.
As for for fear, I think as with everything it’s a matter of putting one foot in front of the other. Once a person starts moving toward their goals, just that action alone makes it less scary.
Thanks for your comments.
September 10th, 2007 21:22
Your fears are unfounded, Heather. Because you have already had positive reactions when you taught, and shared what you know (and hopefully also when you tried to sell
). So be aware of that and realise that you did not fail. There will always be people who do not agree with your opinion, as everyone’s entitled to their own, but there are just as many who will understand yours, try it out for themselves and see if it works.
Perhaps the subconscious fear is more related to not having continued success in being able to teach something useful. Well, basically there are always people who have just started, and you should always keep improving your knowledge, and with your desire to share, I’m pretty sure this fear would be unfounded too.
Enjoy the process and it will drive you on.
September 10th, 2007 22:10
You are welcome Heather,
I totally agree with what you are saying. Maybe this little blurb helps. I was recently awarded to ghost write some articles regarding all things bathroom. From tiles to bassinets, to shower screen, you name it.
First I was like “blimey, I won’t know what to write about, as I’m familiar with all things IM related, but bathrooms? Sure I use them and all but that’s about it.”
These were my initial thoughts. I admit I did waste some time on getting started but I decided this is a once of chance to do something that might lead into more.
Guess what - it worked. I’m now commissioned by the same person to work as a private kind of assistant. What I’m trying to say is this.
Like you said, once you put one foot in front of the other you can achieve a lot. Even if it results in temporary failure, you are destined to move ahead instead of being at a stand still.
You started moving your feet when you got this blog going- what follows is just a natural progression of what your passions and strength reflect.
Monika
September 11th, 2007 05:31
@ YC - Thank you for your words. What you say makes sense. I am enjoying the process, I love HWH and what it’s becoming. It’s a bit addicting really
@ Monika - I love your little blurb… we never know what we can do until we try.
October 23rd, 2007 07:37
[…] I’ve always loved to coach and teach others. Whenever I was in a corporate role, that’s what my job would naturally lead into. It is my hope that through blogging on any of my blogs that I will be able to do just that. […]